Reasons i am not looking for...

I am in the most populated city of the second most populated country, living in my parents house and of 21 years of age. These words dont even justify my pent up emotions of isolation. The only place in Kolkata where i observe upon it without a jaundiced view is from the windy terrace spot of my habitat...cant even bring myself to call it home. I stare at mirrors on the wall and gaze upon a stranger.... long since abandoned by his teenagehood,feeling the weight of eons press down upon me but apparently not yet enough to attain a label of being called mature. I listen to my parents arguing about the right amount of salt to be added in todays dinner, them not ever realising the full impact of how lucky they are to have each other for the past 25 years now. For me to ever achieve that with a tortoise, let alone a human being, would be worth winning a Nobel prize. We surround ourselves with the people we care about and build an intricate web of life just to sustain ourselves from the little juicy tidbits...those moments of optimism caught in it. Makes me feel no more special than a spider. But any arachnid is right now living a more practically meaningful life than yours truly. What defines a persons state of happiness...?...more money? ...better grades?.... a plum job?...proud parents?...a beautiful and caring spouse?... more influence and power?....yet there are countless number of people who go to sleep more happily and peacefully in their beds even after lacking all of the above paramters of being so. And that is exactly what entirely transcends the entire concept of "happyness" for me. Notice the change in its spelling ...there is no "i" in happyness. You can always find a little piece of it hidden away like a nugget of gold in the most obscure and mundane place. It can be a view of a stormy evening from a verandah with the people who you care, it can be the laughter of a loved one tinkling through the air like a pleasant brook, it can be the cooing voice of a mother doting over its baby....its not just about you anymore. Happyness belongs to our universe not to a particular individual.